Join us this Friday to indulge in some silly two liners from all across the joke universe.
My teacher told me I would never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.
I told them, “Just you wait!”
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I can’t take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him.
I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
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What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
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Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?
Great food but no atmosphere.
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Do you want to hear a construction joke?
Sure!
Sorry, I’m still working on it.
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When does a joke become a ‘dad’ joke?
When it becomes apparent.
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I took the shell off my racing snail, hoping he would go faster.
But if anything, it just made him sluggish.
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Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was in tents!
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Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he neverlands.
(I love this joke; it never grows old.)
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How to you measure a snake?
In inches, they don’t have feet.
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What gets wetter the more it dries?
A towel.
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How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
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What do you get if you mix a dyslexic, an insomniac and an agnostic?
Someone who lies awake at night wondering if they’re a dog.
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George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a movie.
Clooney says, “I’ll direct.”
DiCaprio says, “I’ll act.”
McConaughey says, “I’ll write, I’ll write, I’ll write.”
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What do we want?
Low flying aeroplane noises!
And when do we want them?
Nnnnnneeeeeeeeooooooooowwwwww!
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I’ve been trying to make a sarcastic club, but it’s really difficult to tell if people are interested.
Do you prefer your jokes silly or stern? What are your favourite jokes?
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Related articles:
https://staging.yourlifechoices.com.au/fun/entertainment/jokes-for-smart-people
https://staging.yourlifechoices.com.au/fun/entertainment/gardening-gags
https://staging.yourlifechoices.com.au/fun/entertainment/friday-funnies-cold-comedy
